This was sent my way today and it made me smile. Enjoy…
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
- She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
- Mostly to clean the house.
- To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
- He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
- Magic plus super powers adn a lot of stirring.
- God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mother’s made of?
- God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
- They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
- We’re related.
- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.
What kid of a little girl was your mom?
- My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
- I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
- They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
- His last name.
- She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
- Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
- My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
- She got too old to do anything else with him.
- My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
- Mom doesn’t want to be the boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
- Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
- I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do that dad.
What’s the difference between moms and dads?
- Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
- Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
- Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask i f you want to sleep over at your friends.
- Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
- Mothers don’t do spare time.
- To hear her tell it, she pays the bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
- On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
- Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
- She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
- I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
- I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
This was sent to me by my sister through email. It was too funny not to post here. I don’t know who wrote it but they should be awarded…… Something great! 🙂
A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!!
It’s a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late – it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me.Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.
I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
We used to have a little house that backed up to the back of ours that had an enormous tree in it. I knew that there were renters that lived there and that the owner was going to tear it down and put in condos. I wasn’t thrilled with this but thought that maybe they would save this tree.
Unfortunately, the new owner decided the tree had to go. My heart broke as I watched this horrible machine slowly pull off each branch. I felt like part of my own heart was dying as I watched this it slowly get torn to pieces.
So I wonder, as I watched this tree be torn apart, if I am an environmentalist. My heart was breaking and I wanted to run over and wrap my arms around the tree to make him stop.
I had an experience like this about six months ago when a neighbor cut off some branches from two of our trees and I couldn’t sleep for a week. I just kept thinking of that poor tree and what an unneccessary loss it was.
I have also found that in the last year, I have become more and more concerned about environmental issues. I care about how much waste my family is putting into the landfills and if it will decompose. I care about how much electricity and gas we use (and not just for the cost). I worry about how we are managing our stewardship over this earth we have been given.
So maybe I am an environmentalist. Either way, I will continue to care about the earth and the living things on it. I will teach my children to care and together as a family we will do our part to cut down on unneccessary waste and abuse.
When my sweet husband sent me a text this morning asking if I had heard who John McCain chose as his running mate I answered “no” but let my mind float over the list that has been so thoroughly talked about of late. I had a secret hope that he had chosen Mitt Romney. I like Mitt (I apparently know him well enough to call him by his first name!). I liked him when he came to Salt Lake to do the Olympics. I also liked watching him as he has spent the past few years campaigning for President.
So when Dave texted back that Sarah Palin was chosen, I was surprised. And then I smiled. It is an interesting move, to say the least, of the Republican party.
My perception of politics is that it is more of a game where one party is constantly trying to gain the advantage over their opponent than it is about the issues of our day. Both sides will say what needs to be said to win the election. So without getting into the issues or perceptions of politics, I only want to ask the questions…
Is Sarah Palin qualified to be a running candidate on the presidential ticket or is she being used by the Republican party to gain the women voters left behind by Hillary? And if she is being used, is she ok with this? Is she ok with putting her husband and five children in the center of the spotlight when any number of things can be said to and about you to gain the upper hand? Is this a good political move for her to further her career and does she feel a strong call of patriotism to step up and try to make great things happen for our country? I am sure she has though through all of these points. She seems to have a great head on her shoulders.
My mind is flooded with questions about this woman; this mother of five children; this wife of 20 years; this woman who doesn’t have decades of public service under her belt only to be asked to serve in such a lofty position.
This is to officially announce that I am firing my laundry lady. I have not reached this decision lightly. I have spent hours and hours deliberating. I have carefully considered the ramifications to all involved. I have spoken with her time and time again to no avail. I see no other course of action. She has left me no choice but to fire her.
Why? You ask. Let me tell you.
I see piles and piles of dirty clothes brought into the laundry room from every room in the house. In fact, I can’t remember a time that there weren’t piles and piles of laundry in the laundry room. Each member of the family due-diligently brings their clothes down to be washed in the hopes that someday they will see their beloved clothes again.
I see that our laundry lady occasionally tries to get the laundry sorted and washed. I will see attempts made and occasionally see the washer running but I never see a completion to the job. There are still piles and piles of clothes around.
I will give her some credit that it is hard to keep up with a family of seven but at some point she needs to be serious enough about it to get it all done. I mean, good grief! It’s not like she has to carry it all to the creek! She has the beautiful Whirlpool Duet laundry system. Yes, those big, beautiful machines that really do fit three times the amount of laundry in them as the old ones did. And yet… She never seems to complete the job.
Well, we have had it. We need clean clothes. The kids are in school again and they can’t just wear swimming suits around all day any more! There are dress codes at the school. The children need to be clothed.
So after much deliberation we are saying good bye to our laundry lady. I wish her well…
So now that I am fired, I think I will watch a fun movie this afternoon!!! 🙂